Resilient Reflections: Habits and Routines

Habits vs Routines: Is there a difference?

So, I’ve thought a lot about habits and routines, and done some research along the way because I view them as distinct. Apparently, so do many others out there. So, this blog really gives you some food for thought on what the difference is and how it may benefit you to know the difference.

In some cases, it can lead you to what you want to change for the better. And in others, it reinforces that you may already have some tools in your toolbox that you can use.

I hope you step back and give some thought to your own life when you finish reading my thoughts on habits and routines.

So, is there a difference between habits and routines?

Yes.

A habit is a recurrent, often unconscious action that is acquired through frequent repetition.

A routine is a set of customary or unchanging and often unconsciously performed activities or procedures.

Habits create a routine.

And routine is made of a set of habits (1).

Sound complicated? It’s really not.

One depends on the other. You can’t change your life without creating new habits, which in turn will require to change your routine.

When I think of a routine, I think of very charted courses of actions. Every morning you do this, then you arrive at work at this time, you leave, dinner is at a specific time, then maybe bath, showers and to bed if you have kids. Or if you have older kids who takes which kid where on which night. And if you have no kids, how often do you finish dinner and then go back to work. Routine. Day in and day out.

Not necessarily a bad thing, often very necessary. In my mind, routine means “structure”.

When I think of a habit, I think of something that a person does often and in a regular and repeated way. This is a type of behavior that tends to occur subconsciously. According to the American Journal of Psychology, a habit is “a more or less a fixed way of thinking, willing, or feeling acquired through previous repetition of a mental experience.” A habit is also usually formed based on the subconscious knowing there is a “reward” attached to it.

For example, you might have noticed that some people start fidgeting or nail biting when they are nervous, but they might be totally unaware that they are doing this. But in their mind, it makes them feel less nervous.

Similarly, you might get up every day at a certain time and follow a series of regular actions such as drinking coffee, meditating and eating a particular food. Each of these actions can be termed as habits.

Your behavior is formed by habits, and you perform them automatically, without any conscious thoughts. Eventually it becomes part of your routine.

Habits can be good and bad. Especially because the mind, the subconscious is expecting reward. It is very hard to break old habits; this is why many people have trouble breaking bad habits such as nail biting, smoking, overspending, eating junk food, alcohol, and drugs.

The good new is new habits can be formed through repetition. This is equally true when trying to break a bad or old habit. So, when I stopped drinking my whole routine changed. I was no longer going to work, like I had for the past 27 years. My career had defined, in my mind, who I was and my life. But more important, I had spent the better part of 30 years drinking, whether I had worked or not. So, first my routine had changed. And second, if I was going to survive, I had to change my habits. Bad ones.

I checked myself into an outpatient program. I knew from past family experience and my own gut, that staying locked up in an institution for 30 or 60 days wouldn’t work for me. Being locked away from the problems I needed to manage didn’t seem to be the right thing for now. I’d be tucked away and then let out with the same real-life problems waiting for me. And I didn’t want to leave my husband and son. My anchors to survival and support.

So, first, my routine changed. I would go to my program everyday for 8 am. We left at 1:30. The program was 8 weeks long and you were not allowed to miss one day or travel. You’d be asked to leave the program. And what about after 1:30? Wow, I had time to fill and for the first time in life, I couldn’t drink. Correction, I chose to not make the choice to drink. Being on my own, with a glass of wine lurking over me and being able to smell it like it was in my hand, in my mind, was real. It’s the way your mind works. I needed that to change fast.

I started new habits. I left the program, drove back into the city and hit the gym. Slow start but I was committed. And I knew from the science we studied in the program; exercise could do the same thing. Release endorphins to make me feel better. Done.

Then I had to go home. Can’t drink there either. We started healthy walks with our son. Then off to various sporting events every night (no wine in my coffee mug!!) where I would sit alone or arrive late while all the other parents went to the bar beforehand. Or do the grocery shopping waiting for the game to start. Or chat with my Dad and Aunt who never missed a game.

I changed how I ate. I was very conscious of what could trigger the desire to drink and super conscious of what could lead to developing bad habits like too much coffee or sugar. I studied everything I could get my hands on. Cooking took on a new meaning and became a habit of quality shopping and creating healthy meals.

My Doctor showed us films and then would talk to me and explain how your brain has pathways and after repetitive behaviour your brain takes the same path. The opposite is true as well. Every time you create a new behaviour your brain creates a new pathway.

There’s hope! You can teach an old dog new tricks!

And so, it started. Choosing a habit that would give me a reward by stimulating endorphins and dopamine in me that was not produced by alcohol.

And as a result, my routine changed too.

1 Andrews, B. R. (1903). “Habit”. The American Journal of Psychology. University of Illinois Press.